Reflections from a Mom in Training
Leah and her husband, Michael, have been married for 34 years. They are now learning how to be parents of adult children: Brady (26), Karly (29), and new son-in-law, Zack.
Chances are, everyone has heard or been a part of a conversation marveling that being a parent does not come with any extensive specialized training. When I went to college to become an educator, my four years of higher education included classwork, observations, and practice teaching. And even with all of that, I know in my own case, I felt quite ill-equipped for that first year in my own classroom. Regardless of career – study, training, observation, and practice are required in one way or another to do a job well. But the job of being a mom? No diploma, no certificate, no internship is expected for this important role.
I recently participated in a Bible study on the book of Ephesians with a group of teachers at my school. The study was written by three women, who we were able to see and hear through a video after studying each chapter. I discovered that all three are mothers and have some things to say about motherhood.
Jackie Hill Perry, one of the authors of our study, had a difficult young life but found Jesus when she was 19. Now a Christian author and speaker, she is a wife and the mom of four young children. She had this to say on a Facebook post that I found from a few years ago: “I struggle with believing I’m a good enough Mother. I know I’m good. It’s the enough part that bothers me. At times, I’m too aware of my weaknesses and their potential impact on who my children will become. How they’ll think about the World, their God, their children, their vocation, their singleness or marriage, themselves, will in large part be a consequence of who I was with them and what I taught to them. On days when I am celebrated for the good I’m able to give my children and for the days when only God notices, I have to remind myself that God is with me. With us all, really. For some reason we often suppose that He is a present help with everything else except this. But our Father is not an absentee one. He did not gift us with children and leave us to love them without Him. Even in this, He is making us strong. Even in this, His grace is sufficient. Even in this, His power is made perfect in weakness. Even in this, He is being and will be glorified. We cannot be God for our children. He’s the only perfect Parent… but that’s good news because it means that God’s goodness will always be good enough for us.”
Another of the study’s authors is Jasmine Holmes. She is a wife, teacher, author, speaker, and also a parent of young children. She reminds moms that we don’t have to do parenting alone. She says she quickly learned to ask for help from her husband, her family, and her friends. She also reminds the reader that whatever help you accept or advice you receive, and decisions we make as mothers, she says, “I hope you’re comforted by the fact that God is sovereign over the life of your sweet baby. Your little one is God’s creation” and “Whatever happens [in]... your child’s life, you will grow. You will gain patience, humility, grace, and love in ways that you never imagined. There’s a reason why God uses paternal metaphors to describe his relationship with us; the love we have for our children is just a microscopic hint of how well he cares for us, and loving them will teach us more about him.”
The third author of our study on Ephesians is Melissa Kruger who is a wife, mother, author, speaker, and director of women’s initiatives for The Gospel Coalition. Her advice for mothers is to be transformed by the word of God. The more time we spend with him, the more we look like him in our parenting. She also points out that God invites us to rely on him, and to spend time with him in prayer, asking for his help. She says some of the best advice she received as a new mom was from a woman who told her, “You cannot be a perfect mom, but you can be a prayerful mom.” She encourages us to take our children to the Lord each day and seek his help and his will.
So at about this point when preparing these thoughts on motherhood, I looked over my notes and said out loud from my kitchen counter to an empty house, “What a mess I’ve got going on here.” Well, it was fitting because being a mom can be messy. Then I popped up from my laptop to change the laundry and hoped that I could pull my thoughts together in a logical, cohesive message when I sat down again. But then I checked to see if the chipotle sauce stain had come out of my husband’s jacket after the third time of washing it. Then I made a cup of coffee – which actually sat in the Keurig for the next two hours – and realized I hadn’t gotten the chicken marinating for supper. Then I thought I should call my son Brady who would soon be leading 115 high school music students on a trip to New York, and I wondered how my daughter Karly was doing with one of her new singing jobs she had started that weekend. And as my thoughts kept flipping from one thing to another, as they often do, I remembered one time Karly posted on my Facebook wall for my birthday, Proverbs 31:26 “She speaks wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Oh, it made me feel good. Is that how she views me, speaking wisdom into her life, giving faithful instruction? If I’ve reflected this verse at all, it’s only with the help of God. It's also with God’s help that I can look back at my mistakes as a mother, forgive myself, and remind myself that God is in control and that my mistakes won’t alter his ultimate plan for my children.
As believers, we know that we cannot do the jobs of this life alone. We need God’s guidance to reflect that Proverbs passage at all.
So what are some common themes from these authors and my own reflections on being a mom? His promises in scripture apply to all stages of our lives.
One promise is that God is with us and our children from the beginning.
Psalm 139:13-14 tells us, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.”
Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Ephesians 1:4 says, “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for the adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”
Another theme that comes through is we should spend time with God in scripture and prayer.
Psalm 119:114 says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”
Proverbs 2:6 says, “For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding.”
2 Timothy 3:16-17 “All Scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
Matthew 7:7-8 says, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.”
And finally, a very comforting theme and promise is that God is sovereign.
Isaiah 46:9-10 “...for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose…’”
Ephesians 1:11 “In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.”
The job of being a mom may seem to come with little prior education and training. However, our teachers are the experiences and people God has placed in our lives. The perfect instruction manual for this life-long role as mother is God’s word which tells us what is real, what is true, and what is valuable. And we can go to our holy and perfect Heavenly Father in prayer to seek his will and guidance. These are all gifts from our Lord who lovingly prepares, guides, and sustains us through one of the most important jobs of our lives.
