Who are You Now?
It’s been almost two months since I got married. Two months since I committed to a life of sharing, seeking, growing, and learning all with my husband. Saying my vows was the easiest thing I have ever done, but, emotionally, I wasn’t ready for the new season I was about to enter. What no one tells you about becoming a wife is that you look in the mirror after the celebrating is over and ask yourself “who are you now?”
I never imagined the reason I wouldn’t eat at my wedding was because I’d feel too overwhelmed. I could never have guessed that the reason the day would fly by would be anxiety. Make no mistake, I could not be happier to be married to my husband and to be eternally his. He is such an incredible blessing on my life and I am honored to be his wife. We also had a perfect wedding and, as much as fear was present on our day, joy was present tenfold. But change is a terrifying thing. My whole life I’ve shared part of my name with my family. Now I have a new one. I am no longer alone, I am one with my husband. I thought I knew who I was. I thought that would never change. What no one tells you is that marriage changes everything.
For two months, I have been trying to figure out who I am now. I cut my hair and dyed it. I changed my work schedule to accommodate the pursuit of my dream career. I purged my closet of all my old clothes. Only a week ago, I instead ran to the Bible.
I started listening to the podcast Bible in a Year with Fr. Mike Schmitz. The whole series begins with our origins, learning about our ancestors. Men and women of faith who suffered and fell but who also received bountiful blessing at the hand of the Lord. My eyes and heart were opened to receive what God has been trying to get through: He knows who I am and always has. To find the answer to my burning question, I look to the women of faith who gave all in worship.
Ruth was married to one of the sons of Naomi, Orpah was married to the other. When all three women become widowed, Naomi tells Ruth and Orpah to go be with their families. There was a famine and Naomi would be going to Bethlehem. Orpah returns to her family’s home. Ruth instead chooses to stay at Naomi’s side saying, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” (Ruth 1: 16-17). Ruth could not turn from her mother-in-law. Ruth had lost her husband but Naomi had lost both her husband and her two sons. Ruth’s loyalty and faith helped them both reach Bethlehem just as the barley was to be harvested.
Esther becomes the wife of King Xerxes after having hidden her nationality (as she was instructed for her own protection). After she becomes queen, her cousin Mordecai discovers there is a plot to kill the king and he tells Esther who, in turn, warns the king, saving his life. Not long after she saves his life, the king promotes Haman, a man who sought to take out all of the Jews, of which Esther is one. When she finds out what has happened and that Haman plans on full destruction, she pleads to the king with her own life that the Jewish people be spared. The king, not knowing Haman’s plan, is outraged to discover his plot and punishes Haman with death. Esther knew it was dangerous to reveal her identity but did so to save her people and Xerxes held such high regard for her that she was heard.
Elizabeth, relative of our virgin mother, Mary, and wife of Zechariah the priest, was unable to carry a child. Elizabeth and Zechariah followed faithfully in the path the Lord laid before them. An angel came to Zechariah, declaring that Elizabeth would bear a child, even in her old age. Elizabeth prayed prayers as Sarah and Hannah had years before, that she may bear a son. Mary comes to visit her and, when she does, the baby in Elizabeth’s womb leaps. Moved by the Holy Spirit, Elizabeth exclaims how blessed and honored she is to be visited by the mother of the Messiah. God blessed Elizabeth and Zechariah’s faithfulness with a son, John the Baptist.
Who am I? I am loyal like Ruth. Her steadfast devotion is lifegiving and faith inspiring. I am brave like Esther. I defend my husband and my family, standing firmly grounded in truth. I am faith-filled like Elizabeth. Her hope gave her strength and she gives all glory and praise to the One who gives all joy. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
All these truths are found in His word. On the days you look in the mirror and ask yourself “who are you now?” take a breath, offer up a prayer, and dive into His word. He knows who you are and He loves you unconditionally as you are. Do not be afraid. Do not tremble. You are so loved, friend, and fearfully and wonderfully made.
