Finding Yourself, Finding God
Who are you? Isn’t that just the weirdest question? Most of us would respond with our name and maybe a few fun facts. If I asked you if you know yourself, you’d probably say “yes” with no hesitation. What would you say if I asked you if you felt like your most authentic self in all that you do? Lately I’ve questioned if I truly am being myself in all that I am and in all my actions. I’ve looked at my past choices, reflected on everything I’ve said, and even analyzed my social media posts. I don’t know that the person I am at my core shines through at all.
I was charged with this a few weeks ago, after watching Mass with Jake. When church ended, he wanted to talk about the homily and how he thought it spoke to our place in life. Unfortunately, I was distracted. I had been trying so hard to stay focused, but my mind kept wandering during church. I suggested we rewind to the homily and re-watch it. Jake was right. God was speaking right to us and I had almost missed it. If nothing else positive comes out of this pandemic, I will forever be grateful for the ability to rewind and re-listen to church.
The gospel on that day was from Matthew 16:13-20. In the passage, Jesus asks the crowds to identify Him. I’m sure if we were in that situation we’d call Him by His name, right? But Peter speaks up and identifies Jesus as the Messiah. What does Jesus do? He turns to Peter and identifies Peter as the rock on which the church will be built. God revealed Jesus’s identity to Peter and, in doing so, identified Peter’s true self.
Pretty intense, right? This passage isn’t just static or a thing of the past. How does anyone get to know another person? You create a relationship with them. This applies to everyone we come in contact with. Yes, you even have a relationship with the cashier you speak to for 5 minutes at a grocery store. The more you talk and invest, the more is revealed to you through them. The same goes for our relationship with God.
I am bad about reading my Bible. Like, I never sit down and just read my Bible. Saturday night, I asked Jake that, before we played Mario Kart, we sit down and give some glory to God. I wasn’t sure what that would look like or by what means we would pray, but he agreed. It was so on my heart to pick up the Bible and read. Jake and I each got our Bibles and decided to pray the Lectio Divina. Jake thought we should pray the Psalm assigned for that day, which happened to be Psalm 145.
In this Psalm, David speaks of who God is and how He will be praised by the masses. He writes of God’s goodness, kindness, grace, and mercy. In this Psalm, two sections stuck out to me: Verses 10-12 and Verse 18. Verses 10-12 say “All Your works shall give thanks to You, O Lord, and all your faithful shall bless You. They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom and tell of Your power, to make known to all people Your mighty deeds, and the glorious splendor of Your kingdom.”
These gave me pause. Had you met me a year ago, I never spoke of my faith around people I knew didn’t have it. I was so afraid of receiving judgement or people thinking I wasn’t worth their time. As I’ve written before, I grew so much before Boldly Seeking started and continue to do so now. I post about my faith and have a verse in my Instagram bio, but this isn’t all the praise David is referring to. This applies for when we speak with believers, too.
You heard me. Just saying “I’m so blessed.” or “God has been moving in my life” isn’t enough. How often do you really talk about Christ with other believers? Nine times out of ten, we can find ourselves using ‘Christian Buzzwords’ instead of actually giving Him glory and acknowledging the trials and the triumphs He has laid on our path.
Speaking of trials and triumphs, let me hit you with Verse 18. Verse 18 says “the Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth.” Do you give Him all your trials? Do you come to Him with a laundry list before you go to bed or do you actively make conversation with Him as you experience life? Now, do not think I’m against making a prayer list before bedtime, I am all for praying before I sleep. I actually cannot fall asleep until I pray at night for my family and friends. In addition to this, however, I challenge you to take a hard look at your day through the lens of prayer. When I did this, I realized that there is SO MUCH I could bring to God or talk to Him about throughout the day that I have been neglecting. How can I come to Him in truth if I’m leaving out half the story? He asks us to truly bring Him our burdens and our joys. Why don’t we more often? It’s like going to therapy and only saying the good things. He can’t give us the tools for success if we don’t talk to Him about our struggles.
In taking more time throughout your day to be with Him and give Him your attention, the more He can reveal to you who you are. Isn’t that what we all want? To be who God molded, made, and chose us to be? As much as He chose us, we have to choose Him every day. It is a relationship that is both just like other relationships in your life but also completely unlike any relationship we will ever have. He will unconditionally provide for us and just wants us to be honest with Him. I think we can all relate to that.
These last few months have molded and grown me so much in who I’m meant to be. It is my prayer that this devo may help you to do the same. All relationships require us to give more of ourselves and do the tough self work to be better than we were. Don’t let this intimidate you and don’t let the unconditional love He provides be an excuse for complacency. The good things get greater with Him around.
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1. Lectio Divina - Catholic prayer in which the person reads a Bible passage four times with four different intentions: 1) read to get familiar with the passage 2) meditate on the words 3) pray the words 4) let the words inspire action in your life
