Monkey Wrench?

I woke up this morning for the first time in a long time happy, joyful, and with a confident expectation of what is to come. The monkey wrench? I woke up without a job today, without any structure or direction for my day, no income, and I don’t know what is ahead for my life. Scary right? Yes. There is the element of not knowing what is to come, but honestly, this morning was the first time in a long time I felt joy of a new chapter for what was to come. When I texted my accountability team what happened, each individual said “this could be the blessing you’ve been waiting for, and yes it wasn’t what you wanted, but where God needs you to be.” 

Four days after my birthday, what I didn’t expect was to sit in the office of one of my good friends and say, “I am not mad, because today is the first day of the rest of my life. I have a world of possibilities ahead of me.” It was true, because I sat in a space where joy and sorrow were coexisting simultaneously. I was grieving what was, questioned what now, but was excited for what was to come. Life throws monkey wrenches towards us all the time. Losing a job, a family member falling ill, a failed relationship, maybe you got ghosted by someone who you thought had the potential to be the end game. There are a lot of why’s that can come up. Questions without answers necessarily. 

Yet, as I sit at a coffee shop right now typing this, still in a space of sorrow and joy coexisting where Jesus fully presented a new concept to sorrow and joy. Listen to this friend, our faith is more than wishful thinking; it is a confident expectation. Psalms 43 walks through David asking God to fight for him. Just within the first couple of verses David is questioning a lot, and ‘why’ has consumed his mind. Yet in the next couple of verses, David begins to ask to see his situation from God’s perspective, to get the bigger picture of God’s plan for David. Here is the thing friend, your questions and “why’s” are welcomed by God. He wants you to ask the questions and wrestle with why, but where is your heart in seeking the answer? Are you seeking for a solution or seeking for direction? 

This has been hard for me to sit in because I oftentimes will attempt to fix the situation myself, or at least attempt, but news flash, I am not God. I never will be and could never come close. What I can do is lean back and trust the plan that is ahead of me. Towards the end of Psalms 43 we are greeted with a repeat phrase that is in the second book of psalms, “put your hope in God.” 

Sometimes that is a very hard thing to do, the truth behind it is that as humans what we desire most is not for our trials and challenges to disappear, but for us to fellowship and commune with God. This CAN happen in the midst of trials. 

We can have exceeding joy in the midst of suffering and the uncertainty that life brings because we have Jesus. 

Sorrow and joy can coexist and it is uncomfortable and sitting in this, “Letting Go” by Switch is currently playing on my spotify and the words are a reflection of this season. 

Did I ever have control or just anxiety?

Did I ever really know what the point was supposed to be?

Was I close enough and did I mess it up trying to do this on my own?

Feels like maybe something’s missing

I’m asking You to show me there’s a bigger picture

Even with these questions I open up my hands 

Come and wreck my plans

While I’m waiting I will worship

I trust You’re in control

Come and make me whole

I’m letting go

Maybe I don’t have to see what the future holds

To trust Your promises to me 

In my weakness You are strong

And in the moments when i am powerless You are closest to me then

Maybe You’re not keeping secrets

And I need to do is ask for Your perspective

You’re showing me the bigger picture

Sorry for the times I’ve missed it

Friend, I leave you with this, your questions are welcomed, your sorrow is welcomed, your joy is welcomed and your sorrow and joy can coexist simultaneously. You do not need to know all the answers, and sometimes you won’t ever get the answer, but the answer you do have is the God who created the whole world is on your side fighting for you and going before you. You can praise Jesus in the storm, it is hard, but it is possible to praise when a monkey wrench in your life comes up. 

Love you friend!