So, Now What?

Hey friend, long time no talk! It has been awhile since I have been on the blog and written my heart out to you all! It has been so fun to not only write out these stories, but also speak these stories on the podcast. If you haven’t checked out the “Between The Pages” Podcast, I encourage you to do so! It is such a beautiful time of conversation and discovering more and more of who Jesus is and how we can see him throughout every part of our every day. 

If you’ve checked out our recent episode titled “Surrendering, Trusting, & Letting Go” you would know that I am in a time of really going back to the basics of faith and surrendering my life and areas of my life over to Jesus. However, I think this is a safe space to share with you where my heart was at and how I embarked on this long chapter and journey. 

Back at the beginning of May, I was going through a time of discomfort. I hate to say it, but it completely surrounded the fact that I didn’t have control over a few situations that were going on in my life. I was seeing this new guy that I really liked and things felt off that week between us, I was second guessing my career and if my current spot is where I should be. Not only that, but I was also having a feeling of loneliness of community, a sense of struggle with autonomy and being my own person, and really asking myself, “who am I and what am I doing with my life?” 

Sounds wild right?! I entered into this time of really just not knowing what to do. The easiest way to explain it is that my whole life got jumbled together and tangled up into a big ball of fishing line. Now, if you know anything about fishing line, you can barely figure out what you are doing and most of the time by trying to untangle this very tight not, you are making more knots than untying. Yep, that was me. I was trying to untie this whole mess myself and it wasn’t working. 

In the mix untying so many knots, Jesus was calling me to open my bible and sit still at His feet. And so I did, and on May 4th, Jesus wrecked me. I began reading the book of Ruth and the beauty of the relationship Ruth and Boaz had in correlation to Jesus and the Church. As I began to reflect on my questions for the night, I was greeted with a not so fun question. “What is a situation in your life that you need to let go and give God control to work for your good?” 

Ugh, Jesus are you kidding me?! Well friends, that was the beginning of a long month where I had to go back to the core belief that Jesus is good and faithful and He WILL be good and faithful to me no matter how rough or how high the waves get. Throughout the next 6 weeks I went through a time of finding full confidence in myself, by letting go and letting God take the wheel for a lot of things in my life. Not only that, but I began to feel more joyful and my anxiety began to lessen more and more. It has been so freeing to be able to know that God is fully on your side my friend. He wants what is best for you and is always working in your favor. 

I began to journal more at the beginning of this time and have called the journal my “Surrender Journal” Writing my thoughts, feelings, emotions, hurts, pains, hangups, and even the joys and triumphs that come along with life; has not only challenged me, but encouraged me to continue to let go and let God. There is something almost freeing to be able to close my journal at the end of the night and be able to know that it is fully in Jesus’ control. 

So, now what? I have been going through this season for well over 8 weeks now, and you might be thinking, how are you not exhausted and ready to be done with this yet? I am exhausted, friend, and I am so ready to be done with this, bu it has also been so so so good to know more about who Jesus is and to see how he shows up and redeems situations. There have been some nights where I read through my journal and have seen in evidence the faithfulness of Jesus, and that is what keeps me going. That is what has encouraged me on this journey. It is good and beautiful, yet also tough and hard. I will continue to walk this journey for as long as Jesus has me going this direction. I have untangled a few knots in my life and each one has been left good. I’ve grown to love myself more, to do things that make me happy, a new motivation for work. I have finally begun to see the community around me and be with people that build me up and not tear me down. I have found confidence to bring up hard conversations that have built my relationship to be a learning, growing, and wonderful thing. There are still knots that need untying, but I know that in due time, Jesus will make it good. 

I encourage you to take the time and think about what situation in life you are trying to control right now. Once you identify one thing, or maybe multiple, take the time to surrender over those situations to Jesus! 

Hear these words from Jeremiah 5:22 

‘Do you not fear Me?’ declares the Lord.

‘Do you not tremble in My presence?

For I have placed the sand as a boundary for the sea,

An eternal decree, so it cannot cross over it.

Though the waves toss, yet they cannot prevail;

Though they roar, yet they cannot cross over it.

I pray you remember that even surrendering when the waves are high, they will never overtake you! 

I love you friend, and I hope you continue to strive to be more like Jesus.