His Perfect Timing
This poem is the beginning of my journey with God. My first interaction. I never liked talking about it before, because it used to be hard to relive that moment, but now I see how God worked through it.
Last week Rebecca wrote about the book “Habakkuk.” This week ties into that; how God works and His timing.
Warning!!! If you are sensitive to the topic of suicide or depression, skip the first part of the poem and begin from where you will see three stars. ***
At a young age, my heart ached
For I felt as if I was a mistake...
Because in this world, many don’t think
They prey and take, not caring who they’ll cause pain.
I knew no one would understand
This unbearable ache, I carried day to day
Trauma, depression, and anxiety
Was that all that life had to offer me?
It’s as if I’m at war with myself.
A never ending battle of self-destruction.
So I did what I thought was best
In hopes it’ll suppress all that I had left
What happened next, I can’t fully express…
All I’ll say is I nearly took my last breath.
I then fell down to my knees
Hating myself for not succeeding
In what I thought would set me free
Filled with anger and agony
I spoke to my last hope.
God, the One I had yet to know.
My heart is heavy, I’m feeling weak…
God, why can’t You see?
If You’re real...
If You’re there...
Know that I no longer want to live here.
All I see is a broken world
So much suffering… so many in pain…
Why did you put me in this place? Was it a mistake?
What more can I bear?
As my heart cries out, does anyone even care?
My door cracked open and a small shadow appeared.
My 4-year-old sister stood there.
I continued to cry and covered my face
Telling her to go away…
Instead she asked me,“Why are you crying?”
To which I said,“because no one cares or loves me!”
Covering my face, feeling hopeless...
I felt an embrace as she leaned in and whispered, “I love you.”
If not for her, I wouldn’t be here.
If not for God, she wouldn’t have been there at the perfect time.
*** At 11 years old I asked God why He put me in this place and why He wouldn’t take my life. 10 years later… 22 years old, He answered my first prayer.
Here’s what He revealed to me;
With so much hate in this broken world
He created me to fill this place with His grace
He knew before I even...
That one day, I would call upon Him
To help guide and realign my state of mind
Though there are still days where I would fall
Knowing God, with just one call
He will be there, helping me through it all
Because with God in my life
My Christ, His loving sacrifice...
It raised me back to life
That hurt and pain, my heart contained
Faded when I surrendered all that has kept me imprisoned in these chains.
As it says in the Bible
“If the Son sets you free
you will be free indeed.” (John 8:36)
My old self died when I came to Christ and now I truly know how it feels to be alive. It didn’t take any time,
for He’s always been there waiting on the sidelines.
Reminding me I have a place in this Kingdom of His.
If you feel hopeless, alone, battling depression, anxiety, and etc… I want you to know that YOU AREN’T ALONE. I know first hand how hard it is to believe that you’re not alone. I know how hard it is to wait for an answer when you’re aching in pain, but I promise you that you have a purpose in this world. You were created for a reason. Don’t let the devil fill you with lies. Our God is so FAITHFUL! God waited until I was ready to hear the truth to answer my first prayer. He knew if He had spoken to me sooner, I still wouldn’t have been ready to accept it. He KNOWS you. He CREATED you. He LOVES you! Have faith and take in a deep breath.
God, I pray for whoever is reading this… whatever their battle is Lord, I pray for healing! I pray You cast away any lies the devil tries to fill in their heart and mind, in the name of Jesus! Lord, You know them better than they do themselves. Give them strength to overcome this obstacle and help them to draw closer to You Lord! I pray You give them patience, as they await an answer, all in Your perfect timing. Remind them how loved they are and how they’re not alone Father God! Thank you for saving my life and giving me a purpose. In Jesus’ name, Amen!
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
(Psalms 34:18)
