Purity Monster
This week’s topic is kind of a hard one to nail down. This week, I wanted to write about purity culture in America. I want to approach this topic biblically and also personally. I totally understand that people have different predetermined opinions about purity and I want to respect that. I also want to warn you in case you have had an experience that is triggered by phrases around purity culture. These next paragraphs are just some of the ways I think purity culture has been pushed too far and how we can miss the whole point altogether. First, I wanted to research a little about the way purity culture came to be, how it first appeared, and what it has morphed into today.
“Purity culture,” a subculture of evangelical Christianity that peaked in the 1990s — with young girls pledging to their fathers to abstain from sex until marriage by wearing “purity rings” — is still present today. It forbids sexual activity outside of heterosexual marriage and places the responsibility on women to manage men’s sexual desires by dressing modestly and not tempting them” (Sarah Ngu, 2021).
I grew up knowing about purity culture from movies like “Courageous”, attending a Christian school, and participating in the church. I never had a physical “purity ring”, but I definitely knew that sex before marriage would sin against God and greatly disappoint my parents. The part that never sounded fair to me was that I was responsible for staying covered up so that I wouldn’t cause any temptation for boys. And I think that is where purity culture has tainted the whole meaning of “staying pure”: it turns into a blame game.
This blame game between guys and girls isn’t stemming from purity culture alone. We can see that in Genesis 3:12. God told both Adam and Eve not to eat from a specific tree in the Garden He planted for them. Pretty soon, the devil came into the story as a serpent and convinced Eve to eat some of the fruit and share some with her husband, Adam. Of course, God knowing everything, already knew what happened, but He asked Adam why he sinned. “The man [Adam] said, ‘The woman [Eve] you put here with me– she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.’ Then the Lord God said to the woman, ‘ What is this you have done?’ The woman said, ‘The serpent deceived me, and I ate.’” (Gen. 3:12-13). Adam blamed Eve for his actions and Eve blamed the serpent. In purity culture, the blame stereotypically falls on the girls.
“If she just wore a longer skirt, she wouldn’t be hit on so much.”
“She’s asking for it with that outfit.”
“Your shoulders are showing, make sure you cover up.”
“Her post only got likes because she was in a swimsuit.”
“Give side hugs because frontal hugs are too much physical touch.”
Maybe you have heard something like that in your own experiences. For me, I cringe when I hear others speaking like that. Purity culture may have started with good intentions and based on biblical expectations, but what has it turned into? A monster.
Both guys and girls are told to stay away from sex until marriage. Boys are told their minds are evil. Girls are told their bodies are evil. They are told to abstain from anything that has to do with sex: songs, movies, video games, conversations, clothes, magazines, dating, etc. As soon as they get married a switch is supposed to flip in their minds and sex is suddenly not only okay, but encouraged! This results in young kids not knowing anything healthy about sex, just that it is bad and sinful if done outside of marriage. The main reason behind getting married should not be to have sex. Unfortunately, I think that happens more and more often as purity culture sets an unhealthy amount of shame and pressure on young couples. If a Christian couple does have sex before marriage, the shame and hurt felt can drive them away from Christ. Secret abortions take place, hidden away from the judging eyes of the church. Girls are told they are the problem when men DM them asking for nude pictures. Boys get abused and raped in the shadows of the locker room and are too afraid to speak up because of embarrassment. Has the purity culture given birth to this monster we see today?
Verses like Philippians 4:8 can be given as a way to encourage you instead of shame you: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
While I was researching the topic of purity culture among other countries, I came across a story of an Asian American woman’s experience. She realized that the abuse she experienced was not keeping her from achieving “purity” or having a relationship with God. “And I began to understand that the lie of transcendent purity enabled an entire system of everyday sexist abuse… By disentangling myself from the ideals of purity, I am creating new ways of being with others in my community. I feel much closer to God already” (Angie Hong, 2021).
Like I mentioned in the beginning of this blog, purity culture is a hard topic to nail down. It is hard to talk/ read about because there are so many pieces of hurt behind it. Our God is a forgiving and just God. Forgiving because He shows mercy when we are sincere in repentance. God is also just in how He disciplines. Whatever your story might be in taming this purity monster, I hope you know where your identity lies: in Christ and not in your purities.
