What is Love
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.)
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
We have all heard this passage at a wedding before. I remember hearing it for the first time and thinking about how romantic it is. This past month, with the celebration of my parents’ 31st wedding anniversary, Alicia’s engagement, and my (soon to be) sister-in-law’s wedding upcoming, I’ve been thinking a lot about my own wedding. I guess I should say I’m thinking a lot about engagement. Being engaged for seven months now, I feel completely overwhelmed looking at that verse.
Before getting engaged, my fiance (Jake) and I were talking about the difference between dating and entering into an engagement. For us, engagement is understood as a time to truly prepare oneself for marriage. It’s a complete step up from dating. We see it as an opportunity to begin to act as the husband and wife we need to be for each other while following God’s call for our lives. Quarantine has made it easier to stay focused on that since no showers or celebrations can take place but, honestly, reading that verse breaks my heart. I had to take a hard look inward and be honest with myself: I haven’t been doing a very good job. There are so many ways I need to grow.
Jake and I have had long talks about this. It isn’t just me, we both need to grow. We deeply love each other but, in order to love each other the way Jesus wants us to love, we have to take up the challenge set in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. And, yes, it is a challenge.
Let’s break down the verse: First, love is patient and kind. I’m sure you’re saying “duh, is there anything more to say on this?” Why, yes! Yes, there is. Patience goes beyond gritting your teeth through something annoying your spouse does or waiting for them to do something you asked them to do hours ago. Patience is walking with them as they struggle through a personal battle. Patience is helping them develop good habits they find hard to solidify on their own. Patience is holding your tongue when you’re having a disagreement because hurting the other person is not fair to them. Kindness goes hand in hand in that. Kindness isn’t merely doing nice things or buying the other gifts. Kindness is making the bed in the morning. It is rephrasing a statement in an argument or admitting when something you said went too far. Kindness is letting them cope how they need to when things get rough and wrapping them in a hug when they’re ready for it. Kindness elevates you both.
Second, love does not envy nor does it boast. I struggle a lot with this one. I struggle with anxiety and my mind will often run without my wanting it to. I could think of one thousand scenarios causing me to be a jealous partner. Of course, I know who I’m marrying. I know he’s not that kind of guy. My fear can get the best of me but I always do come back to the truth. Sometimes, that means I have to ask Jake to verbally quell my fears because I need to hear it. Thankfully, he has no problem doing it. He is both patient and kind.
Third, love is not proud. This doesn’t mean you aren’t proud of your partner. I’m SO proud of Jake. He’s amazing. It means not employing a sense of being above anything. Some people won’t apologize for things because it makes them seem weaker or admit defeat. Some people always have to be right and won’t back down or compromise to get over a useless argument. Jake and I have each had sprinkles of this in a few different disagreements. At the end of the day, we both put our pride aside and came to agreements. It always leads to a better outcome. To be clear, we didn’t abandon our stance. We opened our eyes to the other’s side and came to a compromise. Compromise is powerful and so wonderful.
Next, love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…..I’m so bad at not keeping score. It’s so easy for me (and I think many people) to hold onto negatives in the heat of the moment. There are also times where I’m susceptible to angering quickly and this is something I’m actively working on in my life. In letting myself get so mad so fast, I eliminate the opportunity to come to a common ground and avoid anyone getting hurt. Not only have I affected Jake with this, but it also hurts me. In doing that, I only focus on my own emotion (self-seeking) and ignore how he is feeling (dishonoring others). During this quarantine, we’ve had many opportunities to work on this as a team.
“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” I think this one is the most self-explanatory. The truth sets you free. Plain and simple.
This is my favorite part: love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. It always does. Through everything Jake and I have been through, we have sought to protect each other. We trust each other deeply. We seek hope. We hold our heads high in perseverance. That isn’t to say that the yolk we bear isn’t heavy (sometimes heavier than other times). There are some trials that seem impossible to face or conquer. Not only have we been these things for each other, but God has been these things for us.
In our darkest hours and happiest times, we give it up to Him and He in turn showers back love and support to us. When we can no longer walk, He carries us. He quells our fears. He forgives, is so patient and so kind. His love never fails and it never will.
As I said before, this verse is a challenge. It is overwhelming. It breaks my heart with the weight of the power it holds. Love is God’s greatest gift and He gives it to us so freely. Every day, I see God’s love in Jake and every day he gives it so freely as a gift. It is my hope that he sees the same in me and that we can only continue to grow in our love throughout our engagement and in our marriage. We want our marriage to reflect and spread God’s love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is a gift and guideline we can all use. I encourage you, wherever you are in your life, whether single, married, young, old, or in another vocation, reflect on this verse and seek the ways you can grow. Love takes so many forms and most of them aren’t romantic. Let this be the first step in your new walk in love and light. When in doubt, give it all to God and He will guide your path.
