Friendship Foundation
Ecclesiastes 4:12
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
The month of February invites so many thoughts about love, intimacy, relationships, and romance. Yet, we also can feel loneliness. It is hard to avoid the teddy bears, pink spotted hearts, and aisles of chocolate cupids all over. I wanted to write this blog as a reminder of the love we can find in friendships and companionships. The verse above is often given as a blessing during a wedding ceremony, but I recently have been applying it to friendships in my life instead. Growing up in a small school with only about 15 kids in a class, you are friends with everyone by default. I learned to get along with people because I had to see them every day. Sure, there were cliques and groups just like every other school environment, but the atmosphere was almost family-like.
This was a pre-K through 12th grade school so several of my classmates, (myself included) literally grew up together from 6 years old until adulthood. I kept my friends close. It was important for me to be a role model. I poured myself into being a helper. Providing forgotten pencils, lending calculators, sharing lunches, all the time just wanting to please. After graduation, you say you’ll keep in touch. You say you’ll all get together as a class every summer and reminisce about the high school days. I went from being with those people every day for several years, to not seeing them at all. I went to their graduation parties, and for some of them, that was the last time we interacted. We had become friendly strangers. A few classmates got married and small reunions would pop up with hugs and “best wishes” exchanged. It wasn’t the same. I was still fixated on being everyone’s friend and keeping my “helper reputation”. I lost some of those friendships because it was too hard to keep up with all of them.
I didn’t make too many close friends in college. Instead, I found myself reestablishing the stronger friendships I had in high school. My attention shifted from: “what can I do to please?” to “is this friendship enriching me?”
Proverbs 27:17
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
I have found that having a small handful of close friends is much more encouraging than trying to balance a whole dozen. Maybe you are someone who finds themselves on the outside of the conversation: there but not really included. You are the first to help someone, but when you need help, everyone has already left. You are mentally drained because you are looking to save others/ solve their problems. You have taken an unintentional beating because you are afraid of disappointing people. Maybe you are the one your friends count on, but if you make a mistake, they suddenly turn their backs on you. You want to know something? Those are not real friendships!
A friendship should be based on how Jesus treated people. He is the best example of what friendship should look like. Jesus was not concerned about pleasing people or keeping them happy. He reached out to others when they reached out to Him. He cried with those who were mourning. He rejoiced with those who were so happy they couldn’t contain their joy. He served others because He saw their needs and their faith.
An impactful quote from Christine Hoover says, “We all want relationships in which we know and are known at the deepest level. We want friendships that point us to grace and truth” (Messy Beautiful Friendship). The three or four people who I call my closest friends do that for me. They are the first ones I call with good news. The first people I ask for prayer and comfort. The people I enjoy being around the most. AND the friendship is reciprocated! I no longer feel that I have to be the one providing and pleasing in fear of being disliked. The example of love and friendship that Jesus lived is my new compass. His example is the foundation for my friendships.
Questions for reflection:
What are some ways that you have felt your friendships shift? In both positive and negative ways?
What characteristics of your friends do you like the most? And to add to that, what characteristics of yours do you appreciate the most?
How can you be more like Jesus in how you approach your own friendships this month?
